Healthy Boundaries
Hello!
The holiday season is upon us. I notice that I tend to approach this time of year with a mixture of anticipation, ambivalence, and agitation. For many people (and for good reasons) the holidays can be emotionally, physically, and spiritually taxing. Yes, this time can bring joy AND it can also bring challenges to navigate. Whether you acknowledge Christmas or other holidays, they can bring up a lot of emotion.
A theme in my ongoing personal healing is boundaries. Healthy boundaries are in place when you are conscious of, and able to define for others, what is okay or not okay for you. In my counselling practice, I sometimes ask people, what is your relationship to the word No? As a young person part of my socialization process included learning to please, accommodate, and make nice. Setting boundaries is a radical and courageous act of putting ourselves first. Boundaries assist me to remain healthy and honest and live a life that feels true to me.
So What is a Boundary Anyway?
Boundaries are ways to communicate our needs to others by way of words or actions. They are limits that we set with ourselves and others.
I love this quote by Brene Brown; I have it posted on my bulletin board behind my computer where I can see it clearly:
“Daring to set boundaries is the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing another.”
Boundary setting for me feels like continual practice. I liken it to exercising a muscle that I want to strengthen.
As many of us prepare to re-convene with family, I encourage you to slow down and attune to your feelings as they will point you to your needs. Having needs is healthy thing. Needs are requirements that are necessary for living a satisfactory life. I often tell clients that need is not a bad word.
Here are some examples of needs:
shelter
safety
space
communication
rest
flexibility
affection
play
clarity
How are you with honoring and asking for what you need? It’s okay if you need some alone time or want to take a break from family festivities. It is also okay to not feel okay about your family dynamics. I frequently remind myself that I cannot change others, however, I can control myself and can take responsibility for my behaviour. Working on boundaries can be hard work and also very rewarding.
Boundary resources
Here are 2 great resources on boundaries:
An accessible, step-by-step resource for setting, communicating, and enforcing healthy boundaries at home, at work, and in life.
Set the limits that will set you free. This straightforward and practical guide to setting boundaries will revolutionize your relationships.
january workshop alert: AN IDEAL GIFT!
If you know me, you know I am passionate about mindfulness. I credit mindfulness meditation with helping me access self-compassion, presence, and stability.
Mindfulness Meditation with Lisa
Monday, January 23, 2023
7:00 pm - 8:15 pm
Cost: $60
Pre-Registration Required
889 Community
889 Yonge Street, Toronto
This new year, give yourself the opportunity to learn about mindfulness and/or learn some new meditations that you can incorporate into your life. This workshop makes a meaningful gift for a loved one. Mindfulness reduces stress, helps to regulate anxiety, enhances recovery from depression, encourages better sleep, helps navigate pain, and improves focus and concentration. Mindfulness is a superpower! No previous experience with mindful meditation is necessary to participate.
If I may be of support, please reach out. I am taking an extended break this holiday season. I am away from my mental health practice and teaching from December 21, 2022 through January 9, 2023. I look forward to being of service in the new year.
My wish for you at this time is that you pause, connect to yourself, and proceed in a way that feels nourishing to you.
Peace,
