Discovering Your Resilient Self
It helps me to acknowledge that life is hard. Yes, there is suffering, discomfort, stress, and dissatisfaction. Fortunately, spiritual teachings, mindfulness, and psychotherapy provide tools for working with distress, and difficulty can be a great teacher.
SUPPORT YOURSELF
As a therapist and mindfulness teacher, I want to share some evidence-based ways that you can support yourself as you persevere through this challenging time in history that is leaving many of us feeling stressed, fatigued, and vulnerable. A key aspect of resilience is learning how to bend and adapt and not break.
Below I am offering bite-sized capacity-building practices that don’t require a lot of time and can be slid right into your day. I share these four strategies with my individual clients and I regularly practice them myself.
Research shows that doing little practices every day adds up over time, and you will be building a greater sense of inner self-worth, capacity, contentment, and equanimity.
1. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO SLOW DOWN
Find time to consciously pause in your day. Our culture suffers from the notion that there is “not enough time.”
HOW TO:
Several times a day, STOP; look around, take in your environment, enjoy a few slow deep breaths and do absolutely nothing. Invite wakeful presence and tune into yourself.
Reduce multi-tasking, eg., when you eat, only eat.
Practice non-doing once a day, eg., listen to music, lie down on the ground, sit and stroke your pet – give yourself a mental recess.
Ask yourself, what really matters?
WHY:
Life is not a race.
My experience, personally and with clients, reveals that we are often running from something and at the same time hurrying towards something else. Going faster is a strategy to avoid discomfort. Western thinking promotes the idea that when we get to the end of something, then we will be happy. This is an illusion.
When we live in a state of high alert and speediness, we are arousing our sympathetic nervous system which is like having our foot on the gas pedal. In this state, you will feel more agitated and rigid, both in your thinking and in your body.
If you live in a chronic state of overdrive, there will be costs such as memory problems, moodiness, low libido, increased sicknesses, and sleep issues.
2. LENGTHEN YOUR EXHALATIONS
HOW TO:
Several times a day, focus on creating long exhalations.
Follow your exhalation all the way out. Let the exhalation feel like a sigh. You can exhale through your mouth if you like.
Stay with this breathing technique for one minute.
Try setting a reminder on your phone a few times a day to lengthen your exhalations.
Did you know laughing, singing, and chanting naturally lengthens your exhalations?
WHY:
Lengthening your exhalations moves you into the realm of your parasympathetic nervous system. Your heart rate will slow down. Shifting into your parasympathetic nervous system is good for your mental health.
When we feel more calm, we can more easily relate to others, more skillfully navigate conversations, and manage tough situations.
3. SLOWED DOWN THINKING EXERCISE (From Dr. Peter Levine)
HOW TO:
When you are feeling scattered, anxious, and overwhelmed, pause and take a deep slow breath in and out.
As you breath IN for roughly four beats, say internally, “I am.” As you breath OUT for roughly four beats, say internally, “calm now.”
Slow your thoughts to two syllables on the inhale, “I am” and two syllables on the exhale, “calm now.”
Focus on the words you are using.
Pay attention to your slow breathing and stretching out the words in slow motion.
Stay with this activity for one minute.
WHY:
This activity will help your brain remember its natural pace of thought and will shift you out of mental chaos.
This activity will also help you settle more into your body, bringing the brain, the nervous system and the entire body into a more harmonious state.
4. PRACTICE GRATITUDE
HOW TO:
As you begin your day, perhaps with your coffee or tea, pause and bring to heart and mind three things that you feel grateful for – get as specific as possible.
Linger on any images that emerge as you bring these things to heart and mind.
Spend at least five breaths with each image or thought.
Let there be a slight smile at the corner of your lips.
Savour the feeling of gratitude.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal, or get a gratitude buddy where you text each other one thing that you feel grateful for daily. I am currently doing this with my sister!
WHY:
Research shows that cultivating gratitude is associated with fostering greater happiness. Tapping into gratitude just feels good! Our brains are like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive. Scientists assert that our brains have a built in "negativity bias."
Gratitude will help you to feel more positive emotions, will enhance your health, and help you deal with adversity.
MY THREE PILLARS
Three pillars support my healing approach when working with clients – compassionate mindfulness, psychotherapy and somatic inquiry.
I work with people dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, addiction, grief, and relationship issues. Currently I see people both online and in person, practicing with infection control measures in place.
My new office
Exciting News . . .
I have moved to a new, beautiful, spacious, and light-filled office!
I am now practicing out of 418 Eglinton Avenue West, Suite 301 on Tuesdays and Fridays.
If you or someone you know is struggling right now, send me an e-mail. Before taking on a new client, I organize a free, confidential, 20-minute phone consultation.
When life challenges us, it is a sign of strength and hope to reach out for help.
I encourage you to do a little self-reflection. Take stock – how are you coping? Try a couple of the practices I highlighted above and let me know how they work for you. And, if you need help along the way, reach out.
Compassionately,
PS. Please forward this blog to a friend that you think may benefit.