The Importance of Connection
Exploring Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation
Hello, and thank you for being here!
It has been a while. I would like to connect and share a little bit about what I have been up to and where I am at.
For the past sixteen months I have been establishing a life and holistic mental health counselling practice in Kennebunkport, Maine. Through this process I have had the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and reflect. The time in Maine allowed me to form and deepen numerous relationships. I explored new terrain and savoured the natural beauty of New England.
During this period, I spent time mulling over where and what “home” is, and also, what does “home” feel like in my body. I spent time noticing what matters most to me and where I experience a sense of belonging. I suspect moving countries naturally invites this kind of inquiry.
I am back in Toronto for the time being and in the future will likely be sharing time between Toronto and Maine. I am giving myself permission to pause and go slowly (as I often say to clients!). I’m consciously choosing to approach life as an experiment. I’m choosing curiosity over certainty.
As I reorient to Toronto it gives me immense JOY to see friends, family, colleagues, and teachers. If you know me, you know that connection is extraordinarily nourishing.
Thank you to all of you who have welcomed me back. It touches me deeply.
The Essence of Lisa Mitchell Healing: A Refresher
I offer holistic mental health counselling. The term “holistic” is thrown around a lot these days. What I mean by this term is that when I support someone, I seek to involve the person’s body, mind, spirit, and their relationships in the healing process. When I refer to relationships I mean to one’s self and to others. We are in relationships with family, organizations, culture, community, and systems. As interconnected human beings it is in relationships where woundingfrequently occurs. Thus, it follows that it is in relationships that healing has the potential to occur.
In this time of global distress, overwhelm, and uncertainty, supporting ourselves with individual practices is important, while additionally co-regulating with safe and supportive others. I want to normalize that if you are currently feeling anxiety, despair, and overwhelm, you are absolutely not alone.
Question: When you are feeling anxious
how do you resource yourself?
Here are some examples to draw on:
slow down and check in
immerse yourself in nature
listen to music
journal
snuggle with a pet
hum; feel the vibration in your throat
set boundaries; learn to say “no”
practice yoga
exhale slower than your inhale; try 4 seconds in and 6 seconds
imagine a relaxing scene or calming place
try a body scan
offer yourself compassion
try being of service
engage in physical activity
read a book
connect with your spirituality
change the temperature; plunge your hands in cold water
orient to your five senses to arrive in the here and now moment
look at photos of loved ones
hold your own heart or face with your hands
lie on the floor and put your legs up the wall
Make a list of strategies that work for you. Put this list on your device so you have it at the ready.
Here’s me, being resourced in nature at Sandbanks Provincial Park.
A Somatic Practice to Evoke Stability
Stand up, if you are able, or sit tall in a chair. Perhaps close your eyes and intentionally root the soles of you feet down into the earth. Slow everything down. Breathe slowly and deeply.
Send your exhale all the way down to the soles of your feet.
Imagine yourself as a big, sturdy, majestic tree.
Picture the solid trunk of this tree. Envision the roots of this tree descending deep down into mother earth.
Imagine the roots of this tree intermingling with the roots of other trees in a forest. Sense this interconnection.
Appreciate that this tree has withstood many storms.
Can you embody the qualities of this tree - rooted, strong and stable.
Notice your experience now.
Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is also useful when feeling distress. Co-regulation can happen when two caring beings come together to support each other in navigating their emotions and behaviours.
Co-regulating with my trusted friend, Lisa Messina.
In the shared space of co-regulation, each person offers a compassionate presence, helping to create a safe, nurturing environment where both individuals can experience a sense of connection and emotional well-being. Co-regulating with a trusted other provides a recalibration of sorts. Dr. Stephen Porges, author of the Polyvagal Theory, asserts that connection is a biological imperative, vital to our survival.
Recently I had the privilege of co-regulating with my friend and colleague Lisa Messina of the Messina Movement (www.themessinamovement.com) I travelled to Prince Edward County and spent quality time with her which included deep sharing, mobility work, somatic exploration, being silly, getting massages, and walking in the Sandbanks Provincial Park and corn fields. We were vulnerable and honest with each other and I felt received, understood, and accepted. It feels incredibly helpful to me to have fellow travellers on this life journey.
How About You?
Who are the people in your life with whom you feel safe, understood, and welcomed?
What are the things that you do together that foster a sense of connection eg., cooking, walking, talking?
Make a plan to connect.
Regulation and co-regulation are two nervous system concepts that are thoughtfully explained by social worker and author, Deb Dana. Check out www.rhythmofregulation.com, or visit my bookshelf (Emotional Well-Being section) on my website to view her books.
Here’s What I’m Up To
Taking an Integrative Somatic Trauma Training certificate with the Embody Lab (www.theembodylab.com)
Allocating 10 minutes to meditate each morning upon waking.
Writing daily in my gratitude journal.
Exploring Little Italy where I am presently residing in Toronto.
Prioritizing making time to connect with old friends and family.
I’d love to know how you resource and support yourself during challenging times. The “favourites” section on my website, lisamitchellhealing.ca, shares numerous books, websites, and videos personally curated to promote healing.
Know that you may reach out to me at lisamitchell@mac.com to inquire about professional support. My practice is continually evolving and although I’m currently at capacity, spaces do come available regularly.
I will leave you with a beautiful Rumi quote that supports me:
“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”
With love and compassion,
PS Please do me a favour; if you know of someone who may benefit, please send this newsletter along.